By Holly Wood
April 1, 2023 (Lemon Grove) – A new reality show called “Harmony” has announced plans to feature Lemon Grove’s City Councilmembers in its debut episode.
Producer Kanya Diggit said, “The concept of our show is to take dysfunctional groups and take them to a deserted island to vie for prizes. Unlike “Survivor” and other shows, ours will be based not on competitors vying against each other, but on rewarding them for working together under extreme circumstances to achieve key goals.”
City Manager Lydia Romero stated, “We’re pleased that Harmony’s talent search team has identified Lemon Grove’s City Councilmembers, past and present, as the most dysfunctional organization in America and provided this opportunity to improve congeniality and take home prize money to enhance our budget.”
Asked at a press conference to elaborate on the Councilmembers’ qualifications for the show, Romero cited multiple restraining orders issued against councilmembers, including two filed by fellow Councilmembers seeking protection from their colleagues. She also mentioned proposed censure of a councilmember and various civil lawsuits filed against the city, including one that assault by a councilmember.
The Lemon Grove team will be vying to collectively win a $10 million prize – half a million for each participant individually, with the rest going to bolster Lemon Grove’s city coffers and set the city on a solid financial footing.
To win the prize money, contestants must band together to reach the following goals while on the island:
- Build a shelter amid a monsoon
- Hunt for food while evading jungle predators
- Rope-climb rugged cliffs and scale a volcanic mountain
- Row an outrigger canoe to catch fish at sea
- Stitch indigenous-style clothing
- Perform native drumming, singing and dancing for spiritual enrichment
- Walk on hot coals to develop inner strength
- Don’t harass, threaten, intimidate, interrupt, insult, injure or attack anybody.
Several Councilmembers privately acknowledge that those last requirements will be by far the toughest to achieve.
The city has tried to mend rifts between its elected officials in the past on advice of a consultant, but those special sessions failed to bring about the desired harmonious effects. Individually, some have tried meditation, counseling, and anger management, to no avail.
Mayor Racquel Vasquez voiced optimism that joining with her Council colleagues on the “Harmony” show will be a “successful win-win for our team members and for the people of Lemon Grove.”
Asked what may be tried next if Lemon Grove’s team members fail to cooperate and flunk the “Harmony” challenge, Vasquez replied, “There’s always electro-shock therapy.”
Happy April Fool’s Day!